As well as I’ve been doing these past few weeks, there are some moments when I just sort of slip back into my old insecurities. One of those happened Tuesday.
So for some background: I messaged a friend asking what our plans were for the Wednesday evening (we were planning on going to a club meeting together and I was asking about dinner beforehand). We agreed on plans, and she ended the conversation with ‘yup’ followed by a smiley face.
Nothing was inherently wrong with the conversation. And nothing my friend said should have made me feel so insecure. Yet somehow, that one word, ‘yup’ got all of my former anxieties going at once. All of a sudden I was asking myself whether I really had friends at this school, or if I liked other people more than they liked me, or if I was as well adjusted to college as I thought I was.
But then I got dinner, worked out a little, and thought through it. And what I’ve realized is that, while I may be doing better in my fight against anxiety, I’m still not quite at the end. This episode reminded me that I’ve still got a ways to go.
And honestly, maybe that’s a good thing. Because now after class on Thursday, I might finally go to the wellness center at my school and see what resources they offer and maybe even make an appointment. I really think that this anxiety flare up can be put to good, because without it I might have gone months without getting help only to have a major break down later on.
Instead of ignoring my anxiety flare-up, I’ll put it to good use.