A letter to my friend ‘Ellie’ about Lila and friendship.
We’ve known each other for 17 years now, going on 18. I should consider you one of my closest friends, but recently I’ve been having some trouble doing so.
The reason is your friendship with Lila. We’ve both known her for about four years, and despite knowing how terrible she’s been to me, you stayed friends with her.
I’m actually fine with that part. I would never ask you to choose my friendship over hers. But what I was asking was that you didn’t choose hers over mine.
I spent two years telling you about how she was destroying my feeling of worth to make herself feel better, and every time you defended her. Honestly, if you could have done anything to trivialize my actually legitimate problems, it was that.
But even once you started agreeing with me about how cruel she was to me, you still chose her over me. There have been too many times that you’ve lied to me about not wanting to hang out so you could hang out with her. The thing is, you knew I was lonely and depressed — I told you directly in a show of obviously misplaced trust — and yet when I needed a friend most, you abandoned me so you could hang out with the one person who had contributed most to my sense of loneliness.
The last time you blew me off was after testing when we had made plans to go eat together. You didn’t know it, but I saw you walking with Lila to the mall. Five minutes later, I got a text from you that read: “I kind of need to be alone today”.
So I just want you to know that after I read that, I promptly walked to my car, got in, drove to a spot a few blocks away from school, and cried for an hour and a half.
But I hope your latte with Lila was worth it.