Invisibility

Whenever people talk about superpowers, someone always says that they would want to be invisible.

Take it from someone who knows: invisibility isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.

For a few years now, I’ve felt ignored, forgotten, and invisible, and it’s not a good feeling. My invisibility has made me lonely and miserable, has caused me to lose motivation, and has led to depression.

How do I know that I’ve been invisible? It’s really just small things that led me to believe this.

There’s been all the times when people have made plans in front of me and not invited me. When I do hang out with people, I am almost always (99.9% of the time) the one to make the plans and invite people out. Half the time, my plans always fall through, too, because my “friend” forgets or finds someone better to hang out with (trust me, it happens. One time my friend said she didn’t want to hang out because she had work to do, and half an hour later I saw her at Starbucks with a group of other people, clearly not doing work).

There have been all the times when people have talked right over me, without acknowledging that I had been speaking or that they were interrupting me.

There are the times when I’m the only one raising my hand in class (to ask a question, answer a question, or just voice my opinion) and the teacher has ignored me, every time.

There are the times when I yell out an answer in class (once raising my hand normally has failed me) and the teacher (and the class) still ignores me, not even bothering to reproach me for interrupting the class.

There are the times when my opinion or contribution is ignored or forgotten, and my “job” in groups (whether it be for school or just social) is to do the grunt work and get coffee.

And you know what this invisibility has done to me?

I no longer make plans.

I no longer speak up in conversations.

I no longer raise my hand in class.

I no longer participate in class (and the teachers always ask me why).

I no longer voice my opinion and I only work in silence.

And because of this, the cycle continues, and I have become lonelier and more invisible than ever. It’s at the point where I honestly don’t know how to stop being invisible, despite the fact that I really, really want to be seen.

Invisibility isn’t all that it’s cracked up to be.

-cmblanc

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